What is really like to go to therapy?

I don’t often get asked this question.

But what would it be like for you to feel confident enough to ask that question once in the room or perhaps when we first make contact?

Unfortunately, there seems to be a misconception that once you are in the room you have to go with how it plays out and not question the process or what to expect. This is more likely the case if it is your first experience of any therapy.

I hope to empower you, to let you know they can question me or the process at any point. As I was once told by a client “you’re not a wise all knowing owl”. I am most certainly not! Also, I don’t want to be! If any therapist was to claim they were, I would gently suggest they have perhaps stopped learning and being curious which is a key component of every therapist.

I like to think of it that we are learning about you together and working out all the parts of the puzzle that makes up you. I may have taken this road with a lot of other people and have the map to guide us, but I have never been to the same places and landmarks - which we will discover together.

Therapy with every therapist looks different, even if we are the same ‘type’ of therapist, and not everyone fits together and that’s ok. Something else I say to my potential clients, even if you’ve spoken to me and met me once or twice you may then think “she is not right for me” That’s totally ok! I want you to be able to feel you can stop if it doesn’t feel right and I welcome you to talk it through with me.

I know, it sounds weird doesn’t it? If you don’t like any other service you would walk away and never say it was personal to them but as therapists we welcome this and I put a lot of emphasis on it because I don’t want anyone to feel like they are obligated especially as I specialise in working with those who people please.

It is worth noting that if it doesn’t feel right with one therapist, it most certainly can with another - the relationship you have with your therapist is key and can vary enormously.

But, I digress. How might you find therapy with me?

It’s odd, sitting opposite someone you don’t know, talking about yourself and I totally get that. It’s an unnatural position to be in especially when you are struggling to make sense of life in your head at the moment. However, I will name that - I won’t stare at you waiting for you to say something. I won’t be waiting for you to say something that is ‘valuable’ enough for therapy. So many clients worry about what they are going to talk about and how they will ‘fill’ the time as if I have an expectation of them to perform in some way.

I meet you where you are, wherever that may be and we will gently explore together how you are feeling - but it doesn’t have to be profound and meaningful. I believe everything a client says means something to them and so it means something to me.

You will not be told what I think you should and shouldn’t do. I will not be judging you. I will help you to understand why you think and feel in a certain way. If you want to adapt to enable you to manage life in a different way, I can help you to find the roots of why you may be stuck repeating the same patterns. We can unpick those patterns to help you find ways of relating that may feel more authentically you, rather than what you’ve been conditioned to be.

I will challenge you, but gently. I am not a blunt person. I may carefully help you to see things from a slightly different perspective from where you’ve always seen them from.

I will always, always have your interests at the heart of everything I do and say and you will feel it.

However cliched it sounds, I find it a huge honour that my clients share parts of themselves and their stories with me. The fact that they trust me to hold those parts of them is something I do not take lightly at all.

I never will.